Rambling Post #12: The Final Hurdle.

So here I am.
Sat in my University canteen for what is most likely the last time, eating a sandwich and writing this as an attempt to get my brain to reset before my final ever exam.
It literally feels like yesterday I was on my way to my induction at Everyman cinema back in September 2013, and was handed free coffee on Briggate. Little did I know that the next 4 years were going to be the most unpredictable and rollercoaster-like so far.

There's a lot of things i've experienced but also overcome during my time at Leeds Beckett.
I made friends, I lost them, I got drunk, I made more friends, I split with my long-term boyfriend, Leeds Metropolitan University changed to Leeds Beckett University, I went on a placement year, I moved to Australia, I attended Victoria University, I made more friends, I went on adventures, I got drunk, I came back, I moved house, I got drunk, I got asked to be my good friend's bridesmaid, I was diagnosed and came to terms with anxiety, and as cheesy as it sounds, learnt a lot about myself on the way.

Couldn't have done it without you guys.

Out of everything though, the biggest lesson i've learned during these 4 years is that first impressions really aren't everything. I have been so wrong about a lot of people, and learned to give people a chance, they may surprise you.
Sometimes I look back to the person I was before I came to University and I don't recognise myself. One of my friends, Mary, was telling me only the other day how much i've changed since then.
I'm not usually a massive advocate for change, but this one is good.
I feel somewhat closer to adulthood (don't get me wrong, i'm still miles off).

As it all comes to an end, on one hand, I can't bloody wait. No more stress, no more deadlines hanging over my head and no more watching Netflix wracked with guilt. But on the other hand, I am going to miss it. It's weird thinking I won't be a student anymore and that I need to start looking like i'm getting my life together (so society dictates).

Who knows, I may be back one day. But for now, peace out Beckett.
Annabel

Rambling Post #11: What Do I Do Next?

I'm pretty sure 99% of Undergraduates experience this, but right now, i'm a little freaked out. Graduating from University always seemed like something that was far away and it was something that 'Future Annabel' would have to deal with, not me. But now i've started my final semester at Uni and it's all starting to get a little real.
So what do I do next?

Samuel L. Jackson memes are always relevant.

Obviously the usual thing to do after graduation is find a full-time job and become a proper adult.
No.
Not for me.
Not yet.

Don't get me wrong, I can't wait to have a proper job and get earning more money so I can get my own car and maybe a flat. However I get the feeling that as soon as I get a full-time job, i'll get comfortable and forget to do other things that maybe when i'm older i'll wish I had done whilst I had the chance. My problem is, I just don't know what order to do them all in.

24 weeks to Graduation.

So there's Camp America, travelling the South-East, save up and get myself a car, summer working at Disneyworld, Masters Degree? (still unsure about this one), volunteering abroad, move out...
I know this is totally a first-world problem kind of thing but it's been stressing me out and I suppose it's always easier for me to write things down to make sense of them.
I suppose the logical way to go forward would be to get the majority of the travelling and volunteering done, then go for a Masters if I decide it's something that i'd want to do. Then I suppose it will finally be time for a graduate job and to get my own little flat.
This is the first time in my life where I don't really know what's going to happen next, and whilst it's quite exciting with endless possibilities, i'm used to having a plan and a structure and knowing what to expect, so it's a little scary.

For now I guess I just need to focus on graduating.

Annabel

Rambling Post #10: Australia In A Nutshell.

This is probably going to be my last (intentional) blog post about Australia, to avoid completely running it into the ground (if I haven't already).
Sometimes when it's late and I can't sleep it helps to write a blog post about whatever is on my mind, hence the Rambling Posts I sometimes have on here.
I really can't believe that my Aussie adventure has come to an end. It has been the best decision i've ever made and i've honestly enjoyed every single second of it.
I've made friends from so many different countries; Canada, Sri Lanka, Australia, France, Germany, USA, Malaysia, China...I could go on and on.
Fortunately i'm going to be living pretty close to one of my closest friends that I met in Aus, as we go to the same University in Leeds, so i'm very happy that i'll still be seeing her a lot. On the other hand, there are a lot of people that i'm going to miss like crazy, and even though we'll still Skype each other and write letters, it's never going to be the same.
I feel very lucky to have been able to have this experience. I got to see Melbourne, Sydney, Phillip Island, Lorne and Cairns. There's still more of Australia that i'd like to see, but for now, this was definitely good enough.
I strongly urge anyone debating doing a semester or a year abroad to just go for it. Think about the reasons that are making you think "hmm maybe it might not be a good idea". Then take those reasons and think of a solution. If it's money, get sponsors or work hard and save up, if it's worrying about not making friends; trust me, you will. Just take a leap and do it because it's been the best thing I have ever done (I mean I got to tick 13 things off my bucket list!).
Settling back at home has been strange, especially when no one here knows what it was like over there. When I first got to Aus I said I felt like Samwise Gamgee and Bilbo Baggins;

Now i'm feeling a little like Frodo.

How do I go back to how things were before after the most life changing months of my life? It's going to take some adjusting.
So for now I need to say goodbye to my home away from home and enjoy the summer before I start my final year of University.

All that keeps going through my head is,

"don't be sad it's over, just be glad it happened".

ᗩᑎᑎᗩᗷEᒪ♥

Rambling Post #9: The part of study abroad that sucks.

Doing study abroad has without a doubt been the best thing that I have ever done, and i've loved every second of it. But then there's the one part of it that absolutely sucks, and no matter how much you prepare yourself for it, it's still pretty shit.

After spending the past 5 months with the same people and becoming such good friends with them all, it's now time to start saying goodbye as everyone leaves to go back home. I've always had this in the back of my head, I knew everything was temporary and we would all eventually go our separate ways, but it doesn't make it any easier.
I'm lucky that i've met a few friends who also go to Leeds Beckett back home and i'll still hopefully see them when I get back, but there's a few that i'll be leaving here and in other countries around the world.

It's just all started to dawn on me recently and I kind of needed to vent this somewhere!
I guess the excitement of seeing all of my friends back home made me forget how sad it's going to be leaving all of my new friends here.

ᗩᑎᑎᗩᗷEᒪ♥

Rambling Post #8: Australia, initial thoughts.

Well, it happened. Here I am. Land of the man eating spiders and chlamydia-ridden Koalas.
(If parts of this post don't make sense, then it's because i'm writing it at 6:30pm that should be 7:30am and I am in fact extremely jet lagged)
There are a few reasons why I write a blog. One of them being I like having a space where I can rant about things and just be as honest as I want to be. Well this is going to be one of those posts.
If people read this they'd probably think i'm spoiled and ungrateful and taking this opportunity for granted, which I 100% am not, it's just moving to a different continent has completely drained me, physically and emotionally.
It all started with my transfer from the airport. I thought I had it all booked and sorted (the University i'm studying at here offers free transfers to accommodation), but when I turned up to tell the guy I was here, he told me he expected me yesterday and didn't have enough room on the bus. I completely forgot to take into account the time difference like an absolute pleb. I then had to get a $60 taxi to my accommodation, and as this was the first task of my adventure, I started to feel like a complete failure.
When I eventually got to my apartment, I was taken to my room which was around the back and in a separate building to most of the other apartments. I was doing study abroad so I could meet lots more people not so I could be out of the way. Admittedly this upset me, and the homesickness began to kick in, and kick some more. For the first time in my life I felt completely alone. My phone wasn't yet set up for the country I was in so that was out of use and I had no wifi and most of all I didn't know anyone. I let myself have a little cry then decided I needed to do something about it. I hopped on the bus into Melbourne City (I haven't got a picture of it yet but it looks AMAZING), to try and sort out my bank and phone contract. But yet again, Annabel did a boo boo. I forgot my passport (UK driving licenses aren't valid here). So I decided to kill time and walk rather than bus to my accommodation. On the way I went into my University;s cafeteria to use the WIFI, which made me break down with emotion yet again. After some very encouraging words from a very good pal of mine, I got up and went to speak to my landlord about swapping rooms so I could be in the main building. He said 'yep, not a problem' (if you've seen H20: Just Add Water, he totally reminds me of Cleo's Dad). So next week i'll be switching rooms.
1 problem fixed.
I picked up my passport and went down to the bank to open up a bank account.
2 problems fixed.
I also nipped into the Vodafone shop to get a contract for my phone.
3 problems fixed.
The only problems remaining are that I don't really know anyone yet, and i'm struggling to transfer my Halifax money into my Aussie bank account.
I appreciate that this is a long and whiney post about something so exciting, but there are good and bad parts to everything and I feel like if I don't write about the bad parts, then I won't get the most our of the good parts.
The way I look at it at the moment is; it's only day 1, and I knew it wasn't going to be the happiest of days. Things can only look up from now on.
𝕒𝕟𝕟𝕒𝕓𝕖𝕝
ps. I also don't have pillows on my bed.

Rambling Post #7: My brain is on overdrive.

It's exactly 2 weeks today that I pack up and leave everyone and everything to go live at the other side of the world and do what is probably the scariest and most daring thing I have ever done in my 21 years. In the past week, it has slowly started to dawn on me that this is actually happening. Before the new year it was just something that will eventually happen to me next year, and it felt like it was ages away. But 2016 is already flying by and in 14 days I will be calling another country home.

I used to hate going to town by myself or sitting alone in a public place (which incidentally is what i'm doing now). So to go from being such a socially awkward, shy and comfort-zone friendly teenager to an actual proper grown up adult moving to a different continent by herself I think shows how much i've changed in the past few years.

So as it crept into February, anxiety started to creep in. I don't really suffer from anxiety, don't get me wrong there are a lot of things that make me feel nervous and unsure but the only thing that really gives me panic attacks are confined spaces (yay for a 22 hour flight). As a result, a million questions keep whizzing through my mind.

What if I don't make friends? What if there's a spider in my loo and I don't know how to get rid of it? What if I get the wrong flight and end up in Zimbabwe? What if I miss everyone so much I don't enjoy myself? What if the Australians think my accent is weird? What if the Australians just think i'm weird? What if they don't let me in the country because there's a slight bit of mud on my shoes? What if I get eaten by a Kangaroo? What if I don't get the hang of cooking and die of starvation? What if the people that live in my building are weird?

And every time I just need to stop myself and think;

What if I meet the most amazing friends? What if I don't encounter any deadly creatures? (Unlikely) What if I come back with a tan? What if I have the most amazing time and absolutely love the whole thing?

I think the main thing I need to keep telling myself is yeah, it's probably going to be upsetting at first and you're going to miss everyone. But then you'll settle in and you'll make friends and you'll go on days to the beach and you'll experience new things and you'll be enjoying this new culture so much that before you know it June will be over and you'll be back in the miserable weather of Britain.

As usual with these rambling posts, there's not really anything people reading it can take from it, I just like to vent sometimes and this is the best way I know how!
𝕒𝕟𝕟𝕒𝕓𝕖𝕝

Rambling Post #6: I'm actually terrified.

Recently whenever people have been asking me about moving to Australia they usually ask "how excited are you?!", and don't get me wrong, I really can't wait to go, but i'm also absolutely terrified.

I've never lived away from home before so going from my comfort zone in Leeds with all of my family and friends around me, to the other side of the world where I know absolutely no one makes me a little anxious. Knowing that I won't have my parents as a safety net whilst i'm out there is probably what scares me the most. But that's life. I've got to leave them at some point. I think i'm not that good at making friends, it always just happens by a happy accident. I'm not the kind of person to put myself out there in a new group of people and i'm actually pretty quiet when i'm getting to know people. It's only when i'm comfortable with someone that you start to realise i'm actually quite loud and never shut up.

Then there's the snakes. And spiders. And crocodiles. I've been watching I'm A Celebrity this year and every time I see one of the huge spiders it just reminds me that they're probably just a typical 'house spider' over there. I can deal with the usual British 50p sized spideys but hell naw to the spiders down under. I think the first things I will buy when I get there is a fly swat and a shit load of bug spray.

I feel like i've lived in my comfort zone for 21 years now and it's about time I did something that scares me, because staying in my comfort zone isn't going to get me anywhere.

But yeah, growing up and doing scary things sucks, but moving 10,053 miles away is also hella exciting.

𝕒𝕟𝕟𝕒𝕓𝕖𝕝

Rambling post #5: Be yourself.

During High School, and even into 6th Form and the beginning of University, I had a pathological fear of what everyone thought about me. Throughout the years it started to get a bit ridiculous: I would be getting dressed for the day and I would be choosing what to wear judging it on what the people I would be seeing that day would think of it. I know it's important to take pride in your appearance, and I do (most of the time), but this obsession was rapidly becoming unhealthy.
I'd start to change my opinions about things in discussions with friends just so I didn't sound weird or different to everyone else. "You like Dubstep?! Me too!" Bullshit.
I know it sounds unbelievably cheesy and too much of a cliché, but it's true when they say to be happy you need to be yourself, and it's only been recently that i've been doing this and i've realised just how relaxed and happy I am as a result.
There are people in the world that are going to judge you no matter what. It's taken me 21 years to realise that if people are going to judge me anyway, i'm at least going to get judged for the things that make me happy. Live your life for yourself. If you obsess over making others happy, what happens to you? Who cares what anyone else thinks? Why do their opinions matter?
I feel that when you reach your twenties you need to be selfish and do things for you. I need to start living my life for myself and no one else. Don't get me wrong, I don't exactly want to make people miserable whilst i'm loving life.
I'm always going to be one of those people who cares about others. I'm just going to be someone who doesn't really give a rats ass about anyones opinion anymore.
All I want is in 70 odd years (fingers crossed), I can look back and not regret a thing.
𝕒𝕟𝕟𝕒𝕓𝕖𝕝

Rambling post #4: Writers block.

Here I am attempting to complete my first assignment for my second year at University. It's due in on Monday and I currently have 138 out of 2,500 words written.
Back in 6th Form and even First Year I could whack out a decent essay in 1 or 2 days, this doesn't seem to be the case.
This essay was set in my PR module around 4 weeks ago, which was 2 weeks into the semester at Uni. This raised the question, "how can they expect me to write an essay on a subject I have never before studied in my life?".
As a result, I left it for a couple of weeks until I had been to a few lectures and seminars to familiarise myself with the subject. I'm a little more clued up to the subject, so why am I still sat here with only 138 words of an introduction?
I'm not usually one to stress or get upset about school or Uni work, but theres a first time for everything. This is definitely stressing me out. Big time.
Usually once I have the basic gist figured out and I have something to start on, it just flows out of me. This time i've written and re-written the essay plan at least 6 times, and it's pretty difficult to write about something when you're not even sure what you want to say.
I'm hoping i'll have an epiphany soon or a textbook will fall and open on the exact page that I need for inspiration, but right now, there is absolutely nothing working in my brain.
If anyone has any tips on writers block, it would be greatly appreciated.
Also if you made it this far, thanks for listening to me whinge.
𝕒𝕟𝕟𝕒𝕓𝕖𝕝

Rambling post #3: Dream big.

For as long as I can remember one of my biggest dreams has been to be a published author. When I was little I used to write short stories in this little book that I made, and I even illustrated the pages and designed my front cover. As a kid I was very imaginative and these stories would just erupt from my pen without even having to think about it.
Now i'm an adult, it gets harder. I still want to write a book one day, I just have absolutely no idea what to write about. I've seen interviews with some of my favourite authors like John Green and Michael Grant, and they all pretty much say the same thing.
"Write about what you know".
I've read book reviews where the critic has criticized the author for writing about something a little out of their depth. I think to be able to write about something, you need to fully understand it first, even if it takes extensive research.
I always loved how authors like J.K.Rowling, J.R.R.Tolkien, Michael Grant and Suzanne Collins created their own worlds like Panem and Middle Earth with their own rules and characters. This is the kind of book i'd love to write, I just can't think of an imaginative universe that I can create. Maybe one day I will be able to when I've experienced a little more of the world. But as of right now, I don't think this is the right path.
However, recently I sort of had a bit of a brain wave and came up with a main theme and possible name of a novel I could start writing. I'm not going to tell you what it will be about, because that would be too nice and a b it of a spoiler. It's still just an idea brewing in my mind, and if I become more and more sure that it will work, you will find things out.

𝕒𝕟𝕟𝕒𝕓𝕖𝕝

Rambling post #2: Summer.

Without a doubt summer has always been my favourite season.
The hot, sunny weather seems to just bring good moods out of people and it just generally feels like such a happy time of year.
This summer in particular is a very exciting one. On the 6th August I will officially be a grown up - I turn 21! It's actually quite scary. I never wanted to turn 19 or 20 and now i'm going to be 21 it just feels like the years are going too fast.
I'm also going to Mallorca with my family and boyfriend yet again. We all absolutely love the villa we stay in and every year we go back it just feels like home. I'm so excited to go back.
Then in September (this isn't exciting for anyone else), I go back to University after my year placement. I'm actually missing it a lot and I can't wait to see all of my friends again.
I don't really know the point in this post. I'm just generally excited for summer as always. I think i'm actually craving heat and sunshine now.
Winter, do one.

𝕒𝕟𝕟𝕒𝕓𝕖𝕝

Rambling post #1: Foundation problems.

One of the biggest dilemmas I have to face (scuse the pun) is choosing the right foundation.
If you're not a massive make up fan, then it doesn't sound that much of a problem.
But first you need a decent base that has a long lasting stay and doesn't give you too much of a shiny face (overcoming that last one would be powder, but the downside of that is it means spending extra pennies - not good for a poor student like me).
Then when you have an ideal foundation, there's picking the right shade.
This drives me INSANE.
I have tried so many different types and brands and I still haven't found the perfect match - even the No7 shade match didn't find one!
Maybe I just have awkward skin…
So I'm asking you,
What foundation do you use? I need recommendations.

𝕒𝕟𝕟𝕒𝕓𝕖𝕝