Rambling post #5: Be yourself.

During High School, and even into 6th Form and the beginning of University, I had a pathological fear of what everyone thought about me. Throughout the years it started to get a bit ridiculous: I would be getting dressed for the day and I would be choosing what to wear judging it on what the people I would be seeing that day would think of it. I know it's important to take pride in your appearance, and I do (most of the time), but this obsession was rapidly becoming unhealthy.
I'd start to change my opinions about things in discussions with friends just so I didn't sound weird or different to everyone else. "You like Dubstep?! Me too!" Bullshit.
I know it sounds unbelievably cheesy and too much of a cliché, but it's true when they say to be happy you need to be yourself, and it's only been recently that i've been doing this and i've realised just how relaxed and happy I am as a result.
There are people in the world that are going to judge you no matter what. It's taken me 21 years to realise that if people are going to judge me anyway, i'm at least going to get judged for the things that make me happy. Live your life for yourself. If you obsess over making others happy, what happens to you? Who cares what anyone else thinks? Why do their opinions matter?
I feel that when you reach your twenties you need to be selfish and do things for you. I need to start living my life for myself and no one else. Don't get me wrong, I don't exactly want to make people miserable whilst i'm loving life.
I'm always going to be one of those people who cares about others. I'm just going to be someone who doesn't really give a rats ass about anyones opinion anymore.
All I want is in 70 odd years (fingers crossed), I can look back and not regret a thing.
𝕒𝕟𝕟𝕒𝕓𝕖𝕝

2014!

I want to try and explain 2014 in a few words to you.

But to be perfectly honest,

I can't.

The best way for me to explain how my 2014 was is to skip back a few years.

Summer 2012

I discovered that I hadn't got into University, which was something I have wanted to do since I was a titch. This was the day before my family went on holiday without me for the first time. At the time I was working at my first job. My boss was a typical hot headed Italian; very passionate about his work. This meant that if you did anything slightly wrong then he would let you know about it. On the day my family went away, I went to work. I was feeling so down I just kept making silly mistakes, resulting in me getting a good telling off.

It doesn't sound that bad to anyone else, but for me, this was definitely the lowest point in my life so far. I felt like a failure for not getting into University then because I felt like I couldn't function without my family, I felt like even more of a failure.

And the cherry on top of the cake: I had just had my braces put on.

2013

My braces come off. My boyfriend, James and I go to Mexico. I go see my absolute number ones at Manchester Arena: ARCTIC MONKEYS. I also decide that this year I will rejoin my family on holiday to Mallorca.

I had re applied to University and had only recieved one offer from Leeds Metropolitan University for Events Management. However, the course requirements were 300 UCAS points.

I had 200.

'Here we go again' I thought. 'Another failed and wasted year'. 

I left it. And eventually forgot all about University and carried on working at the restaurant.

On results day, the day before I went to Mallorca, I see everyone's happy statuses on Facebook about going to University. So I logged on to UCAS to get the closure that I wouldn't be getting in yet again, and I see;

'Congratulations! Your application to study Events Management at Leeds Metropolitan University has been accepted!'

WHAT.

I hadn't done my student finance application. I hadn't planned for this in anyway whatsoever.

So naturally, I ran upstairs to my mum (who was still asleep as it was only 8am) and practically screamed in her face.

I suddenly felt so proud of myself and so incredibly happy. Like I had finally achieved something.

So after stressing about my student finance and getting my head around it all, we jetted off to sunny Mallorca the next day and when I came back, started a whole new adventure.

2014

I finish first year with a 2:1 overall. I go see my most favourite comedian, Lee Evans perform live. 12 year old me buzzes with excitement as I also go to see McBusted live. I land myself my first retail job where I meet some of my most favourite people in the world. Northern School of Contemporary Dance hire me as their Events and Marketing Intern for my placement year. I go to Salou, and I also go on my family holiday to Mallorca again - but this time James comes with us. I get drunk so many times and make an absolute fool of myself in the process as I celebrate so many different things and meet so many new people on the way, 2012 is completely forgotten.

All in all, I know this post is a bit lengthy just to tell you how good 2014 was, but it just goes to show what a difference a year can make. Summer 2013 is when everything kicked off for me and it just keeps getting better. I'm excited to see what 2015 brings - I wonder where I'm at this time next year!